Some jobs just suck. Not everyone gets unpaid sick days, extended health benefits, or a plush executive office. Long hours, no breaks, and poor conditions are common for too many jobs. And with the gig economy growing, many people can’t even expect a steady 40 hours of work a week. So if the best horror movies tap into our worst fears, you can expect the genre to expose some of the most dangerous jobs. So what are the worst jobs in horror movies? From camp counsellors to pizza delivery guys, below are five of the worst jobs you could have if you were in a horror movie.
5 – Pizza Delivery
Pizza delivery is probably a shitty job on the best of nights. Though delivery for Amazon may be worse. But in horror movies the pizza delivery person has more to worry about then the customer stiffing them on the tip. In horror movies, you never know who’s going to answer the door. In fact, the pizza delivery guy often doesn’t live long enough for the door to swing open (Slumber Party Massacre, Offerings). Other times the poor pizza delivery guy sees something they probably shouldn’t have seen. Remember that even Satanic cults need to eat. Now they’re a witness, and witnesses don’t last long in horror movies … unless they’re the star (Delivered, Babysitter Must Die, Satanic Panic, Slice).
4 – Police Officer and Emergency Responders
In general, police and other emergency responders have pretty high-risk jobs. Yet they’re also trained to expect a range of dangerous situations when the arrive at a call-for-service. Too bad that training doesn’t say anything about responding to a horde of the undead (Return of the Living Dead). Still you’d think police officers would know to secure a crime scene or not lean over a dead killer’s lifeless body. It happens more than you think (Halloween II, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2003). If they’re not listening to those ‘damn kids’ (Hell Night, Friday the 13th: Jason Lives) then they’re dying within seconds of showing up. And they usually die quickly because they didn’t listen to those kids and look behind them,
3 – Coroner
Working with dead bodies sounds creepy. However, technically, the job itself should be pretty safe. After all, you’re working with dead bodies. However, in horror movies, killers don’t stay dead for very long. As a result, coroners have a pretty dangerous job, particularly if they’re in a slasher movie sequel. Just ask Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter’s Axel – you don’t want to be the one conducting an autopsy on a killer in the sequel. See No Evil 2‘s entire story follows its rampaging killer stalking victims in a morgue after it turned out he wasn’t so dead. As part of the admission process, coroners may also want to consider screening for failed exorcisms (The Possession of Hannah Grace) or possible sacrifices (The Autopsy of Jane Doe).
2 – Camp Counsellor
No brainer. Going to camp as a kid kind of sucked. But working at a camp in horror movies is life-shortening. If early Friday the 13th movies taught us anything, you don’t even need the kids at camp for bad things to happen. Apparently, masked psychopaths don’t much care if the kids are there or not. Even deserted campgrounds aren’t safe for passerby (Camp Cold Brook, Never Hike Alone). But when the kids do show up counselors can expect a whole host of problems. Maybe a past prank draws a vengeful killer (The Burning) or a trouble-making camper calls out the name of an urban legend (Madman). Sometimes campsites rest on cursed ground (Fear Street Part Two 1978). Other times summer camp bullies push that quiet, shy kid just a little too far (Sleepaway Camp). Regardless
1 – Babysitter
Outside of camp counselors, could there really have been a worse job in horror movies than babysitter? Since Michael Myers stalked Laurie Strode on Halloween night babysitters have had a lot more to worry about than unruly kids and stingy parents. And yes, 1971 British thriller Fright technically gave us the babysitter-in-peril trope. But since John Carpenter’s Halloween babysitters have had to be careful answering the phone (When a Stranger Calls), answering the door (Tormented), or watching a VHS movie (All Hallow’s Eve). Occasionally, babysitters have even had to fear the kids themselves (Better Watch Out, Bloody Birthday). Don’t take jobs out in rural locations (Babysitter Must Die). Even a job watching an elderly family members isn’t safe (House of the Devil). Don’t forget, always ask about any problems with past hauntings (The Amityville Horror, Paranormal Activity 3).
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